Have you ever seen the film Lawrence of Arabia (1962)? In my opinion, one of the greatest films ever made. There is a famous scene in the movie, which is pretty much the answer to your entire question.
Lawrence has just put out a match with his bare fingers in front of the other guys. They’re impressed. As Lawrence grabs his hat and holster and starts to leave, one of the other fellas strikes a match and gives it a go himself.
“Ooh! It damn well hurts!” The soldier says, fluttering his hand about in pain.
“Certainly it hurts,” says Lawrence.
“Well what’s the trick, then?” The soldier says.
That’s when Lawrence utters his famous line:
“The ‘trick’, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.”
You must realize that your question is an attempt to learn how to control another human being. I understand that seems like an outrageously dramatic statement, but it is not.
If you have explained yourself to her honestly, with no intent to offend, your part is done. How she reacts to it is her business, not yours.
This involves the Law of Individual Inherent Rights Responsibility & Authority (a name I came up with) - where they begin and end for each individual - and having an unambiguous understanding of that boundary.
Emotional disorder or not, the woman in question has the inherent right to react to anything, in any manner that she will, whether you like it or not. You also have the same inherent right.
You have the right to not like how she reacts. To remove her influence from your life. To cease communication with her. To overlook it. To bear it. Whatever fits within your individual inherent rights, responsibility, and authority (which is anything involving your behavior and choices), that’s what you’ve got to work with.
What you do not have a right to do is attempt to manipulate, in any way, her feelings or behavior, even when you feel your manipulation will result in a more desirable behavior from her, according to your desires. Because you have then left your circle in the sand and stepped over into hers, and that is a violation.
No, your only part to play is in how you will react to her reaction.
The secret to your happiness is being content with what you do. Not worrying about, or trying to manipulate what she does, or how she does it.
In other words, the ‘trick’, William Potter, is not minding if she gets pissed and blames you for everything.
As long as you are respecting the line in the sand where your inherent rights, responsibility, and authority end, being content to focus your attention there, this shouldn’t be too hard.
Once you learn the principles I am talking about here, and can visualize it clearly, it is very liberating - liberating to let go of what was never yours to have a grip on in the first place. Infinitely more constructive than the alternatives.