Almost Nothing Is Black or White

One tremendously beneficial result of my authentic recovery was gaining the enlightenment that almost nothing in life is black or white. Almost everything you can imagine is relative, or subjective.

Even the laws of the universe work this way. Nothing can travel faster than the speed of light, and yet the very fabric of space itself is expanding faster than light, carrying entire galaxies away from us. In one moment we establish a certainty, and in the next, the universe reveals new realities that completely change the game.

If even the physical laws of the universe are that relative, how can I possibly stand here and argue that I'm right and you're wrong about the best way to do something, or about whether you have a good reason to be upset?

Take almost any black and white certainty you walk around with, and put it to the test. Mistreating people is bad. So is the person who habitually does it a bad person?

Well, more information is needed. Was he given an unhealthy, distorted emotional education as an innocent child, so that it is the only life perspective he has? Or was he given a healthy upbringing, and now simply chooses to mistreat others because he takes pleasure in it?

It is not the thing itself that determines a person's goodness or badness, but two factors in combination: capacity, plus willingness. Given an opportunity, will a person be willing to use their capacity to learn, to make changes, to evolve? That, not what one has done or failed to do, is what defines a person's character.

So the next time you get emotionally worked up over something, remember that your perspective is very, very subjective. Approach it again from a different vantage point, or with more information you didn't have the first time. The entire story might change.

A rabbi is asked to settle a marital dispute. He hears the husband's view. "You're right," he tells him.

He hears the wife's view. "You're right," he tells her.

One of his students protests: "Rabbi, they both can't be right." The rabbi nods. "You're right," he says.

Pretty liberating stuff.